The "Less Is More" Paradox
Stress is an inevitable factor in our lives. We actually need some stress in order to evolve and become more resilient. We have our day-to-day “regular” stressors - exercise, school, work, relationships - that when approached with balance actually make us physically and emotionally stronger and healthier, more educated, more financially secure, and able to pursue our dreams. When kept in check, stress is beneficial.
Nature is our teacher in this respect: survival of the fittest and most resilient.
Think of a plant that starts its life as a seedling in a controlled indoor environment under grow lights. Now compare it to a seedling that was planted outside in the ground. The one started indoors in a rather sterile environment grows leggy with a weak main stem. Over time it may be unable to hold up the weight of its first few sets of leaves. In contrast, the seedling that grows outdoors in the ground develops faster with a robust and sturdy stem.
What is the main difference? Stress.
Outside, the young plant is exposed to temperature variations. It gets its exercise by heliotropism, or following the sun, and withstanding the wind and elements. This added stress causes the plant to develop a sturdier stem and thicker cell walls. The young plant grown outside is resilient. Even if planted weeks after its counterpart was started indoors, the outdoor seedling will catch up and exceed the development of its indoor counterpart and be more resistant to disease and other environmental factors.
Chronic Stress Is The Problem
Chronic stress is not beneficial. Getting back to our young outdoor plant. If the young plant is constantly overwhelmed by chronic stressors like too much rain, wind, isolation, heat or cold, it may weaken and succumb to the pressures of disease and pests. Through natural selection, diseases and pests are more likely to attack and eliminate weak plants. But if our little plant buddy is resilient enough, even learning from the disease or pest, it is more likely to put up a resistance and not only overcome attackers, but pass this “how to” information along in its genetic code to its progeny.
We are no different. Over time, chronic stress weakens our immune system and begins to cause wear and tear on our nervous, cardiovascular, digestive, endocrine and reproductive systems…basically, the whole body. Why? Because everything in the body is connected. If we do not modify chronic stress and consciously practice ways to become more resilient, over time we weaken and develop symptoms of chronic disease or imbalance. And because we model behavior for our children, we are at risk of passing along our coping mechanisms (or lack of) to our children.
The Over-Full Day
Chronic stress wears many masks. But, there is the obvious one that most of us, especially mothers, experience: The Over-Full Day. This day is filled with a nine-to-five job, hauling the kids all over kingdom come to their various activities, taking care of elderly parents, overexercising, unequal household or childcare responsibilities, preparing meals, and late nights trying to get ahead of or avoiding the impending reality of the next day. Next comes the fallout stress from this over-full schedule like marriage or relationship tensions, development of chronic physical symptoms, anxiety, depression, resentment, anger, addiction, even feelings of being “stuck” or “not enough.”
The Overlooked Influence of Our Thoughts
Often overlooked as a source of chronic stress are our thoughts - what we think about ourselves and why? Our thoughts, like feelings of inadequacy or limiting beliefs, can create a mindset in which we push ourselves too hard, too fast, for too long in order to achieve - what? Overthinking, analysis-paralysis, risk mitigation to try and control future outcomes, and unresolved emotions also fall into this category. The result can be a mind that doesn’t stop.
“And hear this clearly - the physical body is made in the mind. Or said another way, the body doesn’t house the mind; rather, the mind houses the body. So, if the mind is not stopping or resting, neither is the body.”
Society’s influence
We live in a society that rewards our big, fat, honking egos. One of my spiritual teachers describes western society as “Egoic” - one that demands more and more of us in order to keep the collective ego inflated, hardcore, brusque, and constantly striving for dominance. We feel good when we conform and consume in pursuit of more. We brag about how busy we are. Feeling like shit is somehow normal. We often cannot remember what it felt like to feel good in our bodies and minds.
“The problem with this behaviour is that it is parasitic - to our bodies, our communities and the environment. We end up tired, sick, stressed, burned out…even disillusioned with the idea that we will relax and enjoy life later - when we retire - banking against a future that is not guaranteed.”
But guess what? No, we won’t enjoy life later. If we even get to retire, we will spend our time, energy, and resources trying to regain the health and vitality that we burned through when we were younger. Trying to fix these issues at a stage in life when the body is both depleted and in need of detoxing is challenging and time-consuming at best. Often, the damage has been done. It is a sad truth that plays out every day.
The Paradox: Less Is Always More
What about doing less now? What about taking a moment to decide what YOU really want out of this life? What about living this life now, within your schedule and means and with adequate pauses built into each day so that you can digest and savor what it means to be fully alive? What about making time to do the things that light you up versus putting these things off for when you “have time?”
It is possible.
A “Less is More” attitude requires balance and the willingness to prioritize what is supportive of your life and joy right now, versus what is taking up space and robbing you of health, sanity, and vitality. And just like eating a meal, when you can properly digest your experiences in life, you are better able to assimilate these experiences, and their accompanying emotions, and gain strength and resilience from them.
“How Do I Do Less?” You Ask
There are various ways to go about doing less and prioritizing what matters. These are just a few that have worked for me. They all require an understanding of the reality of time.
Use a scheduling app like Google Calendar to block off all your daily mandatory commitments on a daily repeating schedule - bedtime/wake up, meal prep, meal times with adequate time to eat and clean up, exercise, work hours including commute time, kids’ activities, etc. These blocks will allow you to see how much time you actually have and for the things that you enjoy (and all that other stuff you are trying to cram into a day).
Next, block off time (and set reminders/alarms) for supportive activities like a getting ready for bed routine, meditation, breathwork, stretching breaks (if you sit a lot), as well as for activities you enjoy like reading, watching your favorite TV show, going to a movie, doing a craft, having coffee with a friend, gardening, etc. These blocks don’t have to be extensive; just give yourself some “me’ time every day.
Have time padded in for rest breaks during the day. Five or ten minutes here and there versus a mentality of “I will only rest after I force myself to get all of my work done.” There will always be work to do.
While I discourage multi-tasking because it is stressful, you can do certain activities together - stretch while watching TV, read a book while in a relaxing bath, listen to a podcast or your favorite music while gardening or knitting. Otherwise, try to be fully present and have gratitude while doing your daily activities.
Exercise at 50% of your capacity. Your body needs energy to perform its other functions like digestion, immunity, hormonal balance and nervous system regulation. When you “leave it all” on the gym floor, you have done too much. If you can walk for 60 minutes, walk for 30 instead. If you can work at an incline of 6 on the treadmill, work at a 3 instead. Exercise is not tantamount to suffering. You should want to do it regularly, and it should energize you versus leave you feeling depleted.
Keep a notebook of a running to-do list. You can even break it into categories like Home, Kids, Work, Chores, etc. I personally keep a separate list for work, since it takes up a chunk of my day. When a task idea pops up, jot it down onto the to-do list so that you can unburden your mind in the moment. Depending on your time, try to do 1-3 items max per day from that list. The goal is to keep things moving, checking things off, and getting out of the rut that everything is a fire that has to be put out right now. On the list, you won’t forget what needs to be done, and you get the satisfaction of crossing things off, even as you add new tasks.
If you have kids, assign them some chores from that to-do list and pay them a weekly allowance. Chores teach children responsibility, confidence, self-respect, time and money management, empathy, and how to contribute to the household. No kid should finish high school not knowing how to make their bed, vacuum a floor, clean a bathroom, do laundry, load the dishwasher, dust and tidy up a room, take out the trash, or make basic meals for themselves, when needed.
Have a frank talk with your partner/spouse about household responsibilities, even if you are a stay-at-home mother or homeschooler. Your first job is caring for those children and yourself, and, yes, you do need a hand around the house.
In conclusion, life is a school. Even as you learn to do less and prioritize what is meaningful to you, life will still have its challenges. But, in learning to live realistically and thoughtfully, you will have the strength and resilience to manage, endure, and transform through the challenges versus being stuck in chronic stress and crisis/reaction mode. Heck, you may even have the space to offer meaningful solutions to life’s challenges.
What steps can you take to consciously do less and see where it takes your health and wellness? You won’t know unless you try.
I “double dog” dare you :)
